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Archive for the ‘joke of the week’ Category

Did you ever have this feeling. “Ah, another meeting and no way to get out of it!” Well, why don’t you just make it fun? Here are ten ways to lighten up a meeting. And even if you do not practise them, it is fun to think about it. Enjoy!

1. Stand up and act indignant. Demand that the boss tell you the ‘real’ reason this meeting has been called.

Now, where is my coffee?

2. Spill coffee on the conference table. Produce a little paper boat and sail it down the table.

3. During a meeting, each time the boss makes an important point, (or at least one he/she seems to consider important), make a little noise like you are building up to a sneeze.

4. Stay behind as everyone else, including the boss, leaves. Thank them for coming. (more…)

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If you would want to ask for a day off work, you better be ready. You might have to battle a tough answer: 

Hmmm Coffee!!

“So, you want a day off? Let’s take a look at what you are asking for.There are 365 days per year available for work. There are 52 weeks per year in which you already have 2 days off per week,

(more…)

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A man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.” He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will tell everyone how smart and brave you are and how you are my hero.” The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, (more…)

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JOB SEARCH JARGON

Whether you are a student looking for that first time or summer job or a long time veteran looking for a change of pace, this JOB SEARCH JARGON should help you get on your way…

COMPETITIVE SALARY:
We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

FLEXIBLE HOURS:
Work 55 hours; get paid for 37.5.

GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS:
Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want you to do.

ABILITY TO HANDLE A HEAVY WORKLOAD:
You whine, you’re fired.

CAREER-MINDED:
We expect that you will want to flip hamburgers until you are 70.

SELF-MOTIVATED:
Management won’t answer questions

SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED:
Some time each night and some time each weekend

DUTIES WILL VARY:
Anyone in the office can boss you around.

COMPETITIVE ENVIRONMENT:
We have a lot of turnover.

SALES POSITION REQUIRING MOTIVATED SELF-STARTER:
We’re not going to supply you with leads; there’s no base salary; you’ll wait 30 days for your first commission check.

CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE:
We don’t pay enough to expect that you’ll dress up; well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.

SOME PUBLIC RELATIONS REQUIRED:
If we’re in trouble, you’ll go on TV and get us out of it.

SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE:
You’ll need it to replace three people who just left.

PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST:
You’re walking into a company in perpetual chaos.

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E-mail one

Attention: Human Resources

Joe Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found
hard at work in his cubicle. Joe works independently, without
wasting company time talking to colleagues. Joe never
thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
finishes given assignments on time. Often Joe takes extended
measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping
coffee breaks. Joe is an individual who has absolutely no
vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Joe can be
classed as a high-calibre employee, the type which cannot be
dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Joe be
promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
executed as soon as possible.
Regards,
Project Leader

E-mail two

Attention: Human Resources

Joe Smith was reading over my shoulder while I wrote the report sent to you earlier today. Kindly read only the odd numbered lines [1, 3, 5, etc.] for my true assessment of his ability.
Regards,
Project Leader

Life is too short to be productive!

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Golf with handicap…

Jack decides to take his boss Mr. Bottomtooth to play 9 holes on their lunch.

While both men are playing an excellent match they are often held up by two women in front of them, moving at a very slow pace. Jack gallantly offers to talk to the women and see if they can speed it up a bit. So, he walks about half of the way, stops and jogs back.

His boss asks what the problem is. “Well, one of those women is my wife and the other my mistress,” complains Jack.

 Mr. Bottomtooth shakes his head at Jack and starts walking towards the women determined to finish his round of golf. Preparing to ask the ladies to speed up their game, he too stops and turns around.

 “What’s wrong?” asks Jack puzzled. “Well, it’s a small, small world Jack, and you’re fired!”

 

Bottomtooth

After 'lunch' that faithful day...

 

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One day a man tried to get a job at a great company.

He passed every test with flying colours.

At the final interview part, the CEO told him that his constant blinking would bother customers.

“I can fix that with some Aspirin. I’ll just have to take some and will be better in a second!”

 So, he reaches into his pocket and pulls condom after condom out until he finds the Aspirin.

He takes it and his blinking goes away within moments.

 

 The CEO says “We don’t approve of womanizing!”

 The guy says “Oh! No! Have you ever tried to ask a pharmacist for aspirin while you’re winking?”

 

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